This administration, elected in the most free and fair election, and with the most ballots cast for a president (take that Obama!), is dedicated to doing Justice (variously spelled and performed). That’s why after 18 months the DOJ obtained a search warrant to investigate and sieze, well, every document the Trump administration ever produced. It’s right there in the search warrant. That means that finally, we will all see justice done and America once again safe.
Trump’s team of crack lawyers know exactly what that means: that the walls are closing in (Trump investigation(s) reference). They are surrounded on all sides, and when that happens – one needs to figure on gett’n unsurrounded. Here’s that group of experienced lawyers saddl’n up for action:
It’a an American traditon. When it comes to “Justice” (variously spelled and performed), probable cause is a necessity. So while the DOJ searches for documents we, from the HQ of Chat Noir News (Nine lives, many tales), we have put our top talent on this case to: the search for probable cause.
Where do I begin this tale? It was a dark and, oh wait, started a tale with that line once. Off to see the wiz… better not use that one either, gotta keep the editor happy, this isn’t that CNN, we have standards. Ahem. After reading the “dailies”, Pravda on the Hudson, Swamp News WAPO, Reuters, you know, the usual crap, it became apparent that this hearsay here story is what we call ‘important’. So I set out where all good stories start, at the beginning.
By now I am sure that you read about the raid, the Honor of the FBI and the DOJ, and the sealed warrant, now kinda sorta released? Except for that there affidavid thingy. That gives to the judge a description of what those folks across the pond call “probable cause”, which is a legal requirment that goes all the way back to article 39 of Magna Carta. (Don’t you dare confuse article 39 with article 54 though.) Now this here need for a beginning, well brings me to our intrepid reporter’s meeting with our informant, ah ‘confidential source’. Here’s a record of the meeting:
After meeting at a non-descript restauraunt, one without a single pink hatted observer in sight,
Looks like that place kinda fell on hard times? What ever happened to their supporters? Anyways, our ‘investigative’ reporter came back with a true lead on the source of that probable cause for that leaked information:
Suspect number one, because when it comes to National Security, true North is only way. He’s a real Republican, a real marine, and he might not have talked then, but now? I think that one might be a stretch. This investigation is about national security! Not stopping communists in South America. Needless to say I sent our reporter out for another try.
He filed this on his expense report, along with video details on speaking to the ‘new’ lead suspect for probable cause for that raid search of Trump’s residence.
Great place, I’ve eaten there. I sure hope he doesn’t think he’s getting reimbursed for that meal, we’re not the NYT. So what did he provide on this search for evidence of probable cause?
Ok boomer! (That’s a submarine reference, ok? Boomer). Nuclear! and Russians. Yes, I think that might be a problem. Sadly, we are looking for the nuclear documents, damit. Not nuclear wessels. Nor are we trying to stop commies, that is what the Republican’ts are supposed to do. Now, back again back again, jiggity jib, to buy a …
Sorry my dear, but I wouldn’t buy a dossier from that guy. Where did you meet him?
I’m beginning to wonder about my reporter. A hot dog for less than $4? I know, that’s in Euro, but have you looked at the exchange rate lately? Looks like the Federal Reserve is taking the off-shore capital markets to the cleaners rather than bailing out European banks like Obama did. But that’s just foreshadowing another story.
Back to finding probable cause to search the home of the former president, who was impeached twice and investigated over “Russia Collusion”, and taxes, and phone calls, and… But this is about “national security” which is why the Attorney General waited through month one, two, three, four, hmmm this is begining to look serious, how much trouble can the security of the Republic be in after month eleven, twelve, what month is it now?
This is SERIOUS.
I mean just look at what our competitor, Newsweek manged to put together with no notice on this raid search, about which the Attorney General of the United States insisted would only be discussed in court filings. Not in leaked stories that appear in Swamp News WAPO only hours later. I had my investigator return to our HQ to do a ‘global reset’ on getting to the source of the probably cause.
After a few French 75s we got down to bidness. And we concluded that Biden’s poll numbers being down so far even ladies in pink hats are wondering why milk is $5 a gallon and baby formula still not available the narrative needs to change, and soon bidness being down we have just gots to come up with a scoop.
WOW! It’s worse than I thought. Two tens for one scoop of vanilla? And here our fine presidential spokesperson (POC/LGBTQ+/Etc.) told us inflation in July was zero. But back to our search, for probable cause. Let’s just summarize what this investigation is about.
Documents. What documents? The ones described in the affidavit that shows the probable cause to the judge to issue a search warrant to search, in this case the home of the former president.
How did those documents get there, to Mar-a-Largo? Uhm, the federal government boxed them up and shipped them there?
Who has indicated what is allegedly there and not elsewhere, like say a presidential library (Obama, Clinton, Reagan, etc.), or the National Archives? It is in the affidavit, and if the judge trusted the American people it would already be released. The government has nothing to hide, except the ‘documents’ and the idenity of the person(s) providing the probably cause.
How long has it been since Trump left office? More than 18 months.
How long since the search warrant was issued until it was executed by the FBI? Three days.
Don’t think delay, this is urgent. National Security! What delay, the three days before executing the search warrant or the 18 months before bothering to file to get one?
Did the FBI find what they were looking for? (Of course, this is a trick question, but lets go with the fraud flow) If not, where else could they be? Why they could have been mailed off to somewhere!
How do you find where? Well, like Captain Renault you start with the list of usual suspects.
List? Who keeps a list like that written down? Why somebody who keeps a list, of who is naughty and who is nice – and checks it twice.
Ah, of course! The White House Christmas Card list! A ‘government document’ if there ever was one! Now we’ll know who else to search! For the documents, that are missing, because whoever submitted that affidavit, the one submitted to the judge of the star chamber to sign, and which has to remain secret because NATIONAL SECURITY, listed them. Apparently.
I don’t know about you, but I think my ‘top man’ and key investigative journalist missed his calling. He should have joined the FBI. He could keep this thing going for years.
Stay tuned right here for all the details on this breaking democracy story.
This tale brought to you by The New CNN – Chat Noir News, Nine Lives (though I might just have used one up, you know what Schumer says about intel agencies) Many tales.
posted by Fred
Awesome Fred, keep ’em coming. The darker the times the darker the humor required.
“Probably cause” needs an entry in Walrus’ GAGA dictionary, how about this: A legal term for the level of perceived justice (variously spelled and performed) a judge thinks he can get away with before issuing a search warrant. Example usage: “The AG thought the charges included in the warrant would generate sufficient probable cause that the search had some legal basis”
Not to be confused with the now outmoded term derived from the Fourth Amendment. Also see Lavrentiy Beria.
https://twitter.com/scottadamssays/status/1558911946987950081?s=21
Yup. The same playbook.
https://twitter.com/scottadamssays/status/1558901209695563776?s=21
The same guy who peddled Iraq WMD and Russia Collusion, using the same “anonymous official sources”. Yet, we are expected to believe him and his “anonymous official sources” this time??
Neil Oliver is spot on in his monologue below:
https://twitter.com/berniespofforth/status/1558750792873648128?s=21
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11110923/Trump-FBI-raid-department-homeland-security-bulletin.html
That crafty Trump, stealing nuclear secrets to give to Nazi MAGA to build “dirty bomb” to take out the patriotic and virtue-laden rank & file of the FBI/DOJ.
Is Rachel Maddow on it 24×7?
“Did the FBI find what they were looking for? (Of course, this is a trick question, but lets go with the fraud flow) If not, where else could they be?”
Well Fred, as the powers that be are beavering away at changing all the defining terms available for us peons to describe what’s gone on, ‘raid’ is now verboten, ‘fishing expedition’ beyond the pale, with ‘search’ almost certainly inevitably to fall too I would suggest going back “old school” (which as it isn’t a statue to be torn down or such) And so far as I know Wikipedia hasn’t an entry dedicated [yet?].
And as we know Melania’s stuff was assiduously gone through how’s about we call it from here on out precisely what happened?
Now of course I admit it could be a little cumbersome to type out in full but since there’s no insufficiency of former – and current? – military types hanging around I’m confident somebody can come up with a suggestive acronym so …
The Great FBI Panty Raid of 2022!
Seem innocuous enough to me anyway. Those were after all, kinda entertaining back in the day.
Jacobites >>> Reign of Terror >> Napoleon >> Thermidor >>Restoration on the Ancient Regime. It is deja vu, all over again.
JK/AR,
Wikipedia is in deep trouble, they’ve been spreading nuclear documents for years:
Height, weight, weapon yeild, weapon material and weight. Oh my, National security!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_Man
Oh dear, could be bad Fred.
But I’m supposing the FBI has access to Wikipedia’s Standard Form 86?
But I will guess there’s no SF 312 of file whatsoever either.
So for Wikipedia, things are looking at this point to be, exceedingly bleak.
That is, if there truly is such a thing as a ‘One Size Fits All’ system of Justice.
The Great 2022 FBI Panty Raid:
–Wardrode So Gayte-gate.
–FBI cosplay-gate.
–Wispy chiffon probably-cause gate.
Never forget a blue dress brought down Clinton, or was that J Edgar?
Clothes make the man. What is Trump’s real waist size, or was he purloining secret documents in that inflated girth?
The king has no clothes, reports Biden’s Secret Service swimming pool detail. reports.
Check out “What Difference Does It Make?”
https://twitter.com/socialistmop/status/1558244773173104642?s=21
One rule for you and another for me. Actually I’m above the law which is only for the those that oppose us.
Our favorite sausage butcher in a small central valley town in California also sells rolls of toilet paper with Nancy Pelosi’s face on each sheet. Will this crack team they be coming for those papers too?
The little boy on Christmas morning ………………….. I just know there is a pony in there somewhere.
They measure perfidy by their own standards; which means we are all in trouble.
Very funny if it wasn’t so true.
The investigation could be half the worry. I hope Trump keeps safe and well.
Cobsider that all was Well in June..With The Cooperation over the Documents Trump Had and was Handing Over…Perhaps The Queens in The Castle Got Alarmed..Nothing Useful Was Showing Up…And Time was Running Out..
Suddenly…Things Went COLD..What Caused That…>>? An INFORMANT..
The Data Now Not Public in the PC..Affidavit…
The MOTIVE..? And The Informants…Idenity..The Motive…Create HAVOC Now..
How…CREATE Crimes..Talks Nukes..The Players Mr Trump and the Saudis..
THAT makes everything Dirty and suspicious..and The Feds Have Proof.. DOCUMENTS..After The Fact..Backed up by Trumps Pardon on Mr Stone..and a Box of Family Photos..Yessir PROOF it was ALL Trump Material..Beyond a Unreasonal Doubt Your Honor..
Aw Yes…That MAGISTRATE..He Could Smell The Lochs and Bagel Finger Prints All
Over The Fingers And Documents Handed to Him..And Mein GOTT..The
Informant..?? Well..He was so Concerned About The National Security Of King Davids Kingdom..That He Just HAD To Do His Duty..And Thats THe Way The Plot
Gos..In My Jerry”Kosher” Kooshy ..Spy Novel..The Last Chapter is “Golden”
JT
Backed
“Looks like the Federal Reserve is taking the off-shore capital markets to the cleaners rather than bailing out European banks like Obama did.”
With the Russians draining their energy and the Fed draining their dollars Europe is starting to cry uncle.
Best most funny thing I’ve read in a while.
What sort of gang is the If Be High? Don’t they attend flaw school? Don’t they know it’s OK to drone assassinate American citizens? Isn’t Trump a citizen?
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/09/world/middleeast/secret-us-memo-made-legal-case-to-kill-a-citizen.html
Had a dream last night. Now it weren’t no reglar sort of dream but more like a … Well it weren’t ezact-like a nightmare neither. Did have a bunch of the
usual suspectsthe-most-trusteds in it though.Wasn’t what I’d call spooky scary though. I’d allow as kindy scary mebbe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxvFuKsWU1I
Now “prophetic”? Yeah that’s it.
Mebbe. … Don’t think I’m gonna be making the mistake of having kippers, two boiled eggs, a slice of onion, and some crumbles of feta cheese – two beers of foreign origin – as my get-ready-for-bed snack again anytime soon though.
Barbara Tuchman in her book The Proud Tower claimed European psychotherapists sensed WWI was pending just by the patterns of so many of their clients troubled dreams, in this budding new field investigating the unconscious at the turn of the last century.
Maybe it wasn’t the feta crumbles, but fetid rumbles.
Well I would admit Deap there was some fetid awful enough to awaken me to think ‘Well has to be something outside the house.’
I did of course check the state of my skivvies before drawing any conclusions though I’ll admit.
Weird science I think. Except not like the movie of the same.
Great post, had to re-read it several times to get the full picture.
IMHO, best read while this is playing in the background for ambience:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0PpTPvbr-4
Ahoy Fred!
Push this up to the 10:00 timestamp and proceed from there to wherever. I’d suggest headphones and a notepad – a working pencil of course or, ink pen.
Fellow who’s doing the podcast is a natural born Canadian and is likewise a barrister albeit limited to practicing in the Canadian system – thus and so the fellow’s “knowledge of the US system” is lacking where the finer points are concerned.
HOWEVER – He did manage to get a seat in Judge Reinhart’s courtroom when the arguments for/against the unsealing of the affidavit “justifying” the approval of the original warrant were presented.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe7fRxQoc4M
His lacking – as I’ve mentioned – experience practicing in US Courts notwithstanding I think he analyzes the issue[s] more than adequately regardless.
Yours,
JK