The Brits have a way with words, a "touch of the poet?" The ribbons below represent Harry Flashman’s decorations. He would have fit right in with Blackwater. He said that his only skills were "fencing, fornication and foreign languages." He was being modest. He was also a great horseman. pl
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"Blackwater Fever – The Symptoms
A common disease among international contractors working in Iraq,
Afghanistan and various
other 3rd world hellholes. Frequently attacks young men with only 1 war or
enlistment under their belt, State Dept agents, Former LEOs, anyone
associated with an Ambassadors detail and occasional poseurs. BKWF
has many symptoms; if you have the following you may be infected:
1. Large amount of primping, i.e. mousse in your hair despite the
fact you live in a war zone.
2. Your forearms break out in tattoos, often tribal or USMC related
3. All your shirts are skintight "Under Armor" T-shirts
4. Have used, currently using or consider using steroids
5. Refer to yourself as a "Shooter" or "Operator for Blackwater"
6. Look down upon all other PSD teams that are NOT on the
Ambassadors Detail, to include other Blackwater employees.
7. Grow a beard to blend in with the locals, even though you are a
6ft tall blonde with a "Death before Dishonor tattoo.
8. Think the UN pool is a good place to pickup chicks
9. Are arrogant and condescending to people with more experience,
training and who make more money than you.
10. Forget that doing a mission that has been performed in the past
by Tier 1 assets does not make you a Tier 1 asset.
11. Truly believe you look good in a Speedo
12. Despite the fact there are laundry facilities available you
insist on wearing a dirty brown T-shirt with your blood type in black magic
marker to work.
13. You wear a shemagh as an ascot to fit in with the locals
14. Because you are a "High Speed-Low Drag" PSD guy you think long
hair and an unkempt beard looks professional.
15. You are familiar with doing "high threat PSD with CAT team and
Air assets".
16. Look puzzled when someone refers to the pool as a "Sausage Fest"
17. You carry a drop-leg holster, wear a Federal Agent Badge, flash
bangs, 5 or more pistol mags, asp, handcuffs, surefire light , leatherman,
on
your belt and a Gerber mark II strapped to the outside of your boot, in the
embassy complex.
18. Thursday night is your favorite night of the week.
19. A drunken, naked, Englishman has pissed on the air vents of your
trailer
20. You have excellent kit.
21. When your advance goes out on mission, Army MPs secure your
perimeter.
22. Believe by running locals off the road you are winning their
"hearts & minds".
23. Despite earning a six figure income you wear a ragged ball cap
that has not ever been washed
24. Your 9 man PSD team consists of 34 men, 6 armored SUVs, 2 Army
Stryker vehicles, an MP company, 2 "little birds" and 2 AH-64
gunships. With an AC-130 on call!
25. Your entire wardrobe can be purchased at Brigade Quartermasters.
26. You have a Blackhawk credit card.
27. You refer to Myock as "The Farm"
28. You know what color the boathouse at Hereford is.
29. The girls talk to you because you "make the big bucks"
30. You have a Bear paw tattoo
31. The most dangerous thing you have ever done is: PSD!
32. You blouse you Royal Robins 5.11 pants into your boots
33. Often email pictures of yourself in body armor, weapons and kit
to all your friends, family and anybody that you have their email address.
34. Believe people really give a shit about seeing multiple pictures
of you in your body armor, weapons and kit.
35. If you have ever gotten drunk and pointed loaded weapon at your
best friend and thought it" was FUN!"
36. You demonstrated your "quick draw" technique to your girlfriend.
37. You have been seen wearing a black boonie hat, black shirt,
black pants, black boots, black body armor, black ammo pouches and a MP5in
a desert environment when its 110 degrees
38. You refer to yourself as a "rock n’ roll mercenary"
39. Despite having tons of assets-you have not left the Embassy Compound
since July.
40. As it has gets colder instead of wearing a long sleeve shirt,
you wear long underwear with a short sleeve golf shirt. But the golf shirt
has your company logo on it.
41. You have ridden a bicycle off the diving board into a swimming
pool and thought you were impressing people.
42. You spray paint your weapon into a desert camo pattern, though you
only operate in a urban envoirment
43. An MP5 is your primary weapon
44. All your T-shirts have a police, military, weapon, or SWAT
school logo on them
45. Chasing pussy is more important than your job performance
46. A chap from CRG has had to give you a lesson in manners, after
you pushed him out of your principles way. Even though the lad had
already stepped aside."
Hmmmm.
Maybe I should rethink my “In all fairness” post about private armies!
Notice how the blackwater mercs tried to bring their ‘infection’ into New Orleans. Outfits like blackwater have no business in a U.S. civilian urban enviornment, much less anywhere else.
Blackwater is a waste of hard earned taxpayer dollars that would be better spent on beefing up the living conditions, health care and paychecks of our military personnel who are the ones that do the real work, while the blackwater pukes prim their rooster cockdues and thunk how big-n-bad they are, when in fact blackwater are nothing more than wimps attempt to ‘play’ soldier.
This list, besides making me laugh, is spot on. Though I never worked for a Blackwater type contractor, this is exactly what I think of as far as their personnel goes. I could also list people I know that fit into this category, all of which were former Cops or 1st-term Marines who buy all the high-speed, low-drag gear but can’t run 3 miles wihtout collapsing. Though this is funny it is still a serious problem that must be addressed.
I’m civilian.. but I’m surprised not to see any mention here relating to the ownership of mirrored sunglasses..
đ
Zoom, I thought your “in all fairness” post was a tad rumsfeldian — or possibly macnamaraesque.
It treated people as well-behaved little economic units. It tossed out all the nonfungible crap that makes us what we are and do the things we do — good AND bad.
Ha ha! If these guys ever get shut down the World Wrestling Federation is going to be swamped with applications.
Yeah well, you can do all that when you work for the ‘family’. And these guys (and gals?)work,first and foremost, for the ‘family’.
What are we going to do with all these mercanaries if we ever become a functioning democracy again?
Now that was funny.
I have SST fever and it is manifesting NOW…
Doubt that Flashman’s Alter Ego would be much impressed with Blackwater.
Probably had seen the Irrawaddy at flood stage once or twice.
while bush nose dives at the u.n., his âgirlfriendâ condi is also nose diving with the congress.
condi has lost her marbles and is now declaring that iraq corruption and blackwater criminal misdeeds are a âstate secretâ. shhh, we mustn’t telll…..shhhh condi will get upset…..shhhhh….snarf!
see:
http://oversight.house.gov/story.asp?ID=1497
State Department Prohibits Officials from Discussing Iraqi Corruption
The State Department has instructed its officials that they cannot communicate with the Committee about corruption in the Maliki government unless the Committee agrees to treat all information, including âbroad statements/assessments,â as national security secrets. Other points of growing contention between the Committee and the State Department include Blackwaterâs assertion that the State Department has instructed the company to withhold information from the Committee and the refusal of Secretary Rice to testify.
I assume Blackwater has only derivative classification authority not original classification authority.
Funny…loved it; but the whole issue raises some interesting cost-effectiveness issues, doesn’t it?
For example, instead of using moderately paid, and presumably well-trained, DS agents for State Department security detail, we use guys who earn “six-figure incomes.”
I think I remember reading that DSS had been cut back, but as a taxpayer, I’m wondering about “value for money.”
I wonder, can the definition of cowardice be extended to shooting at everything that moves: women, children, ect.. Oops! that is the definition of cowardice.
What is CRG?
“Despots have often surrounded themselves with bodyguards of foreign mercenaries. For example, the Byzantine emperors had their Varangians, the French kings had Scots and later their Swiss Guard, Napoleon and his Poles, and Franco had his Moors. Foreigners make more reliable and loyal bodyguards since they are in a foreign land amidst a hostile population and totally dependent upon the despot. Mercenaries were also ideal for dealing with rebellious subjects since local troops may be have been unreliable. The demand for mercenaries in Norman England was fueled by the disloyalty of feudal vassals who would normally supply troops. Deprived of many of their chief feudal assistants, the Anglo-Norman rulers were forced to hire soldiers in their bid to remain on the English throne. And, in anticipation of a civil war erupting out of the National Assembly, Louis XVI posted foreign mercenaries at key points in and around Paris.”
[David Latzko, Penn. State University, “The Market for Mercenaries”]
http://www.personal.psu.edu/~dxl31/research/presentations/mercenary.html
Charlottesville, Virginia
25 September 2009
Sir;
Another term that comes to mind regarding these Blackwater types (“operators” or “shooters”) is the sobriquet “Button Man.” Mario Puzo made use of this term extensively in his novel “The Godfather” and it described these persons (hired goons with guns) perfectly. Indeed, in the real life “Murder, Incorporated” (i.e. the Mafia’s assasination squad of the early part of the 20th century) to be a Button Man (‘the boss says to push a button on a guy, and I do it…I whack him’) was the aspiration of every low life punk from the East Side.
I look at these guys, jacked up on steroids, arms bursting forth all manner of bad ink, mirrored shades, toting fierce looking popguns and I think they would have fit right in with the likes of “Kid Twist” Reles and “Lucky” Luciano.
Your most humble servant,
SubKommander Dred
“What are we going to do with all these mercanaries if we ever become a functioning democracy again?”
Dunno. What did Rome do will all those Praetorian Guardsmen after IT became a functioning republic again?
Get my drift?
Charlottesville, Virginia
25 September 2009
Sir;
Another term that comes to mind regarding these Blackwater types (“operators” or “shooters”) is the sobriquet “Button Man.” Mario Puzo made use of this term extensively in his novel “The Godfather” and it described these persons (hired goons with guns) perfectly. Indeed, in the real life “Murder, Incorporated” (i.e. the Mafia’s assasination squad of the early part of the 20th century) to be a Button Man (‘the boss says to push a button on a guy, and I do it…I whack him’) was the aspiration of every low life punk from the East Side.
I look at these guys, jacked up on steroids, arms bursting forth all manner of bad ink, mirrored shades, toting fierce looking popguns and I think they would have fit right in with the likes of “Kid Twist” Reles and “Lucky” Luciano.
Your most humble servant,
SubKommander Dred
lina,
Not to mention the mad Roman Emperor Caligula’s German bodyguards.
I read a true story once about an off-duty Chicago policeman who was at a bar on a date with a woman. Suddenly a group of armed robbers burst in and rob the joint. The woman knows that the cop has a pistol in an ankle-holster and hisses, “Well, aren’t you going to do something?” The cop calmly looks around, noticing that the bandits are professionals who just want to efficiently loot the place and leave peacefully. He decides that JOB ONE is to keep anyone from being hurt, so he reaches down and drops his gun in a cuspidor. Obviously the woman was disappointed, but the cop was secure enough to know that an idiot like that wasn’t worth impressing. It wasn’t an issue of cowardice, but of common sense.
Lina has a point. Here in the DC area the security for the Saudi diplomats are always European.
In my contact with Prince Bandar’s staff it was clear that his security consisted mostly of former British soldiers.
I enquired once as to why this was. I was told that Brits were not nearly as likely to be bought off as Arabs and they didnt have to worry about them being turned by Islamic extremists and killing the person they were supposed to be protecting.
Re Flashman: Col., if you’re a fan of G. Mac. Fraser, you’d love Bernard Cornwell.
Lina
I have read his books and liked them except for the Civil war books which I thought were terrible.
“The Flashman Papers” are so wonderflly comic that I prefer them.
I have also read all the Patrick O’Brien sea stories. pl
CRG = Control Risks Group
“Control Risks Group, based out of London, was founded in 1975 as a subsidiary of the Hogg Robinson insurance and travel group, becoming the first company to provide advice to clients involved in kidnap situations. The company began with the hiring of three SAS officers: Maj. David Walker, Arish Turle, and Simon Adams-Dale. Walker would go on to co-found Saladin Security and Keenie Meenie Services of Iran/Contra noteriety. Turle would go on to co-found the Risk Advisory Group after a stint at Kroll, Inc.’s office in London.”
I should mention that I knew some CRG guys in Dubai. They struck me as the polar opposite of the Blackwater types mentioned above: low-key and thoroughly professional.
I believe Cornwell published those Civil War books under a pseudonym. Maybe he didn’t like them either.
I guess you all will be assured when you hear that Blackwaters current focus is to train US policeforces across the country.
All,
The newsest “bestseller” book out on Blackwater:
Jeremy Scahill, Blackwater. The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army (NY: Nation Books, 2007).
Interesting take and it does reference the Fundi linkages of the Prince and de Vos families etc. behind it.
Wonder how long it will take AQ, Maliki, and various to figure out the “Christian” connection…they seem a bit slow on this point.
EG –
Regarding Keenie Meenie Services: The story I was told was that “Keeni Meeni” in East African Swahili describes the movement of a poisonous snake in high grass – unseen & unheard & deadly.
It eventually became Brit slang for SAS hunter-killer teams not in uniform and disguised as locals or as the guerrillas they were hunting in Aden or Northern Ireland (or perhaps it originated with the Rhodesian SAS during the troubles there???).
There is a Scahill interview on CSPAN.
http://www.booktv.org/program.aspx?ProgramId=8023&SectionName=After%20Words&PlayMedia=Yes
There’s a TV series on CBS called “Jericho,” in which the U.S. is devastated by several nukes ironically set off by homegrown terrorists. Amid the chaos in the Midwest a Blackwater-type mercenary outfit called “Ravenwood” soon goes rogue. When assigned to evacuate a hospital of elderly patients the doctors protest and the thugs massacre everyone in the hospital. They then become outlaws looting surrounding towns under putative “government authority” and killing anyone who protests too loudly.
When the town of Jericho proves too strong to take the leader of the Ravenwood thugs says, “You know, someday the government’s going to restore order in this area. And you know who they’ll send to do it? Someone like me.” Ouch!
You know what color the boathouse at Hereford is.
Old joke.
CRG has the contract to look after British diplomats in Iraq, I think.
Anyway, I disagree – Harry Flashman would have worked for Aegis Defence, with that bunch of pirates Tim Spicer and Simon Mann (before his unfortunate attempt to steal Equatorial Guinea). Blackwater would have made him piss himself laughing, and CRG would be far too straitlaced and uptight; too much like the Guards, Jackets, and Gunners – breeds Flashy could never stand.
“Quartered Safe out Here”, MacDonald Fraser’s Burma campaign memoir, is a classic of the century.
Not wearing a helmet provides an excuse to shoot first and apprise the danger later.
Are they still wearing the underarmour shirts? Bad idea… they melt onto your body if exposed to flames.
Data on $1 billion of Blackwater contracts with USG here [long URL]:
http://www.fedspending.org/fpds/fpds.php?parent_id=38113&sortby=u&detail=-1&datype=T&reptype=r&database=fpds&fiscal_year=&submit=GO
This is the org’s main homepage:
http://www.fedspending.org/
Col. Lang,
This thread about Blackwater inspired me to look into Brigadier Flashman, courtesy of the local library. I hope I’m not wasting my time. He sounds like a bad version of Brigadier Girald.
Unlike Flashman, Blackwater has none of the romance or elan of our 19th rogue hero.
US House of Representatives Commmittee on Oversight report per Blackwater of 1 October 2007 pdf at:
http://oversight.house.gov/documents/20071001121609.pdf
For those of you that liked the Flashman series, try the Allan Lewrie series of novels by Dewey Lambdin. Similar sense of history, adventure and humor in a naval setting.
Senator Webb takes a stand against Blackwater:
http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Sen._Webb_Blackwater_contracts_awarded_for_1008.html
This is really very funny, i enjoyed alot.