Canned Soup


Question:  Why do Millennials not eat canned minestrone soup?

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to Canned Soup

  1. akaPatience says:

    Because the tomato base irritates their tongue and lip piercings???

  2. JohnH says:

    Because they serve it at The Palm?

  3. ambrit says:

    Because Grandma, whose basement they are forced to live in now, all their money going to pay back the inflated education loans they took out in chase of that “dream job,” makes it better fresh.

  4. Pirate Laddie says:

    Because there are better things available?

  5. Diana C says:

    They don’t know how to use any sort of can opener????

  6. I can’t wait to hear what’s behind this off the wall posting. On the question itself, I think there’s a decline in consuming canned anything. We’ve cut way back on the canned soup and vegetables because of the sodium content. Although canned brown bread is still a gourmet item as far as I’m concerned.

  7. turcopolier says:

    “Off the wall?” I thought you had a sense of humor.

  8. turcopolier says:

    All Diana C Independent research sent to me by the Social Science Association indicates that few of them have can openers. Mom always had at least one.

  9. But I still miss the significance of the canned ministrone. What triggered this particular target as opposed to canned baked beans? Maybe the Millenials missed out on the C-ration era and just failed to develoip an appreciation for the wonders of food preservation by canning.

  10. turcopolier says:

    The minestrone? Suitably pretentious for them.

  11. J says:

    I’m amazed and surprised, given they can’t write cursive. As they say ‘X’ marks the spot. And if they don’t have a google before them, they can’t walk ten feet. So I’m not surprised when one mentions a can opener, they say ‘What?’.
    As far as canned bread, I’ll take a dark lager please. Dopple Bak canned bread is good too.

  12. Ah, I see. Most of the soup cans now have pull tabs negating the need for can openers. I guess the Millenials don’t get into grocery stores very often.

  13. Pirate Laddie says:

    Not to be too petty — well, OK, petty is as petty does:
    The can in question has a built-in pulltab.
    TTG’s analysis, while depressingly intellectual, is probably as good as any so far.

  14. Philo Beddoh says:

    Jeepers, you don’t think it might jus be concern over pthalates, PFOA, PTFE & BPA lining and the herbicides, do ya?

  15. turcopolier says:

    Philo Bedo
    Sissy fears. I am 79, drink a bit, always have, smoke cigars, and regret that women are so far in my past except for … Canned soup? You are afeared of canned soup? I am going to have some country ham for breakfast, full of nitrates and two or three eggs. Mustn’t forget the Red Eye Gravy. Canned soup …

  16. optimax says:

    The millennials would eat it if it was Mexican, Thai or anyplace not a part of oppressive Western culture. You’d think they would eat it to celebrate multi-vegetableism.

  17. J, that B&M brown bread was a regular treat when I was growing up. I found it again at the Quantico commissary. It still takes a can opener to open both ends and slide it out. Eat it with some baked beans like I did more than half a century ago. A dark lager would go well with it.

  18. turcopolier says:

    Well, the ones who join up are the ones who aren’t lazy shits. And still the suicides are old fools like me or some of these kids who have never been overseas and just can’ “hack” the life.

  19. Fred says:

    Spam n eggs, or maybe an extra helping of scrapple. I haven’t found a decent breakfast with fried chicken livers in years, sadly, though that would hit the spot right now.

  20. Factotum says:

    This one has a pop top, because you are correct – they did not know how to use a can opener so just about everything now has those lethall pull tab tops. So there must be more to this question now.

  21. PRC90 says:

    What ? You mean the Millennials don’t stick a bayonet into the top and work it all the way around until the top’s gone, then squeeze the can into a V-shape and pour it straight into their gobs ?

  22. PRC90 says:

    You may be right. However, as terrified of 0.5ppm of PTFE as they may be, they will still order Uber Eats that get delivered via the trunk of someone’s car, and ‘vape’ with any one of thousands of different kinds of oils containing who know’s what and possibly made by some guy in his spare time in a pesticide factory in Peru.
    In many cases I’m afraid that .. Awareness Level: Zero.

  23. JerseyJeffersonian says:

    Colonel, Here’s what the NYT has in mind for us Deplorables:

  24. JerseyJeffersonian says:

    TTG, Hell to the yes on B&M brown bread. Matched with Brauerei Ayinger’s Celebrator
    Doppelbock. Yes, indeedy. Prächtig!

  25. Adrestia says:

    because the microwave explodes when you put the can in?

  26. Ramon Zarate says:

    Because it’s horrible. Heinz Tomato soup is best!

  27. turcopolier says:

    As I have written before my mother really could not cook and did not want to, but she could make good split pea soup and baked beans.

  28. Diana C says:

    As I have thought of this problem more, I realize that there are MANY issues preventing these young people from eating soup they purchase in a can.
    First, they will have to find a place to recycle the can.
    Second, since some canned soup is condensed AND if they do read the directions, they will have to find a larger container in order to heat the soup. Their microwave may not be suited to such a large container, and using a stove top burner might be too much of a challenge for them–especially the wait as the soup heats to the right temperature for them.
    At least AOC recently gave them an Internet lesson on the use of a garbage disposal so that they will know what to do with the leftover soup in case their refrigerator is too full of boxes of leftover pizza boxes that were conveniently delivered to their doorstep.
    For some, all this struggle simply to eat means that they might have to return to college, sign in to a dorm again, and simply use the dorm cafeteria in order to eat while growing their debt tht they will then have to turn over to those of us who do pay our taxes–and our own debt.
    This really is a serious question you posed when some thought it just a joke.
    Later, as they get their highly paid job in Congress, they can simply tell people to eat cake.

  29. ambrit says:

    Oh good heavens! Fried chicken livers for breakfast and a side of ‘bubble and squeak.’ I had to look scrapple up. It sounds tasty. Something I would like. I’m still waiting for “Grandmother’s Genuine Country Pig Squeal Stuffing.” One of the reasons I am trying to learn how to cook late in life is because I like chicken livers a lot more than does my wife. (She learned to cook from her Grandmother who was a legitimate Acadienne. [Do not refer to such people as Cajuns or you might have a fight on your hands.])

  30. David Solomon says:

    We still have one working can opener. For some reason most of the ones you can find now will barely get you around the edge of the can without doing harm.

  31. J says:

    You can order beans and bread direct from B&M

  32. J says:

    Don’t forget a good helping of gizzards. We have chicken livers at our house as my wife loves them. Every time she was pregnant with one of our children, it was a diet of liver and o’s for most of term as she couldn’t take iron tablets. I loved liver and o’s for years, but kinda got burn out after so much of them. When she eats her liver and o’s I just smile at her, all the while thinking to myself a thick t-bone with a 7 course side.
    It’s sad the millenaials haven’t a clue on a lot of things. If the grocery stores and big boxes were to dry up, they wouldn’t know how to feed themselves (without u-tube that is). So many don’t know how to grow a garden, or dress out a hog or a steer. And just think, they’re our future leaders.

  33. Mark Logan says:

    I suspect baking a slice or two of Jarlsberg swiss on a good bowl of minestrone.. Minestrone ala French Onion…just might work.

  34. J says:

    Zero? I thought they were in the ‘minus’ category. Zero gives them too much credit IMHO.
    Just imagine all the fun it would be putting a 100lb ruk on their backs, shove an m-16 in their hands, and drop them out the back end of a 130. I’m mean their first hand combat experienze comes from their video gamez they have stuck up their backsides. A real-deal experience would pop their eyes out, wouldn’t it? Or am I being too nice?

  35. TonyL says:

    I’m disappointed to read the comments in this thread. Except for TTG and the Colonel, you all sounds like a bunch of old farts sitting on the front porch and bashing the youths 🙂 They are the future of this country. If you think they are hopeless, then do have some constructive criticism. Hey I am old, but I admire the assertiveness in their intellectual pursuit, and their don’t-care-rism. Far from lazy, why use a can opener at all if the cans have a pulltab?
    Don’t keep yelling “get off my lawn” whenever you see a millenial approaching :)).
    /end rant

  36. Sounded to me like people who can open cans discussing people who can’t. As for those spattery pull-top cans – what’s wrong with opening the other end? But I don’t have much use for cans. Heinz baked beans aren’t what they were so we make our own.
    I’d like to branch out with them so I lurk in the Colonel’s recipe sections waiting for an authentic recipe for Boston Baked Beans..

  37. Diana C says:

    I think many people no longer have electric can openers. They take up more space on the counter.
    I have an excellent hand-held can opener. It works very well. I also have an excellent hand-held bottle cap opener/jar opener that is a real help since I’m now living alone and don’t have stronger hands to call on for help.

  38. jayinbmore says:

    As someone who has to manage 17 millennials I think I know the answer: Because there’s no fresh avocado in it!

Comments are closed.